It's funny how you can play Spider Solitaire, and your mind starts to wander. I often wonder why I can't beat it, but now I know why. I started thinking about my family. I realize that I am running out of people to ask about my family history. Both of my parents are gone, along with all of my grandparents. All of that knowledge of older generations... gone. It's times like these when you wish you listened better, or at least wrote things down. My oldest remaining relative is my Great Aunt Jennie, who lives in New York State. She is in her nineties, and has been in a nursing home for as long as I can remember. I remember sending her birthday and holiday cards, and sometimes going to visit her, but that is it. A few weeks ago, I get an email from my aunt Beverly, my Mom's sister, who lives near my Great Aunt Jenny. She says she is rushed, but she doesn't think that Jenny will be with this world for long. I emailled her back (not having her phone number) with my phone number, and a message to let me know what happens. I get another quick email back, saying she will let me know, but she is in a hurry because her son Pat, my cousin, is getting married, and she has to get dressed. That's it. I haven't heard anything since. I finally called my brother yesterday and asked if he heard anything, and he said he called Bev and found out Jenny is still alive. Well, I'm glad, truly, but how would I know if anything had happened to her? I would have liked to have gone to the funeral, in honor of my Mom who loved Aunt Jenny. I have cousins whom I don't know. It's crazy.
I remember sitting in the limo, after my Dad's funeral. We were being driven to the cemetary after the church service. I said to my aunt Sally, my Father's sister, we can't lose touch... we are family and we need to stay together. We started crying and made promises while hugging each other, that we would stay close. Almost seven years later, seven years of hardly speaking to each other, we made those same promises at my Mother's funeral. I exchanged email addresses with all of my cousins and my Aunt Sally, with promises to keep in touch. One email from Sally telling me my Uncle Roland had a stroke and was in hospital, but that is it. A few forwarded jokes from my cousins, and that soon petered out (I don't like email forwards anyway... I like real email... email with substance, so I didn't mind).
I have an Uncle Ted, my Father's brother, who broke away from the family after some nasty business concerning the restaurant that my Grandfather owned and passed onto my Father. Years ago, bad things were said, and hearts were broken, and eventually hardened against each other. Because of this, I have a cousin whom I barely know... I wouldn't recognize him on the street. Then, at my Mother's viewing, my Uncle Ted walks in, and tells us how sorry he is. He says that sometimes you regret things you did, and then it's too late to take it back. He will never be able to make it right. We asked him if he was coming to the church service the next day, but he said he couldn't that he had to work. The next day, as I was standing in the second row in the church, I turned around, and there was my uncle. I'm guessing in honor of my parents, and perhaps on a deeper level to make up for all the lost years, he found a way to make it. I hope, where ever my parents are, they saw that my uncle was there.
I get so mad sometimes. What is wrong with my family? Doesn't anyone understand that life is so short... that it's not enough to come to a funeral and tell someone how much you missed them? We are all we have... our history is in each of us. I need to know what my Dad was like as a little boy, or what instruments did my Mom play in high school. I am running out of people to ask about that. It isn't fair... we should be closer... not necessarily in miles, but in the heart. My sister wonders why I get so mad sometimes when it seems like she never makes the effort to come and visit me. This is why. We can be taken from this world in the blink of an eye. It isn't enough to just nod at each other in passing. We should embrace each other and learn all that we can, before it's too late.
